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09:18am 06/02/2008

I was in my very first car wreck yesterday. Scary business, if you haven't had the pleasure of experiencing it for yourself. Regardless, I'm okay for the most part - sprained right shoulder and some torn muscles in my neck and back... I'd say I was lucky. The entire bumper and underside of the car, however, is totally shattered. Thankfully, Jakob wasn't with me. I had to call off work today cause I'm in zombie/pain killer mode and really don't wanna risk it trying to push myself.

Jakob is starting to talk up a storm in the past month or so. I must admit that when he points to the door and says "Out, cat, out!" or tickles me giggling, "Ooh, tickle tickle tickle!" my heart swells up, big and fat and I am just so thankful.

Really, as much as I bitch and moan over nonsense sometimes, I'm a lucky lady.

(5 wounded | BANG!)

f r e e d o m   
11:05am 18/11/2007
mood: mischievous
Last night I had the whole night to myself and it was nothing short of amazing. I picked up a night shift at work to make some extra Christmas money since Micah was away at the Cincinnati vs. West Virginia game and Mom had Jakob for the night since she's leaving Wednesday for 6 weeks. I made some decent cash, had 2 margaritas with my coworkers, visited Morgan at work and got a lot of high5s from some drunk guy and his girfriend, and then made a final stop at Cosmic Birthday Bowling to visit Liz, Julia, and Stacy. But then it turned out that Baker, Rollins, and Justin were there, too, and eeeee! It was just so good to see them again and not have stuff be awkward and really, just such a nice night. Morgan came by after she got off @ 3:30a.m. to have a mini-slumber party and after having stayed up entirely too late, she's still passed out in Khyler's room right now.

I, however, am a trooper with an early Thanksgiving to attend that needs to get moving!


08:53am 03/11/2007
mood: sleepy
It is now 8:42am. I don't remember what time I went to sleep, but I do know I was woken up many a'time this morning and after the multiple bed changes, I am not feeling up to par. Khyler was "scared of her dreams" twice through the night, so I went and laid back down in her bed till she fell asleep, which took forever. Then she woke me up @ 5am to tell me she had to pee and in the process ended up waking Jakob. So, it's been a really fun morning and I'm crossing my fingers tight that everything goes okay for the family pictures this afternoon, though last time we were there I ended up being vomited on. Which was lovely, I assure you.

On a side note, our 2 little acres of property are so pretty when the frost is still setting and everything has a blue shimmer. I should have taken a picture, but it is pretty cold and I'm being a wuss this morning.

... Time for hot chocolate and blueberry pancakes.


rantings of a sleep deprived woman.   
10:35pm 04/10/2007
  I feel like I'm just getting further and further behind. In all aspects.

The fridge died unexpectedly and all my beautiful, fresh food had spoiled by the time I got home from work. Now the kitchen just stinks because I haven't had the energy (or time) to bag up all the rubbish and I really don't feel like messing with it. But I will (sometime tonight) because I have to and otherwise, it won't get done (until shit starts to rot). Jesus, how disgusting. I promise, I don't live in filth - in fact, the rest of my house is in perfect running order; sometimes a girl just gets behind, I suppose.

Jakob is a little over 15 months now. It's crazy to think back on him being tiny and immobile with no idea how to throw fucking little wooden alphabet block at my face hard enough to make me bleed. Yeah, he busted my eyebrow open last night with such a feet, which really is just great. Just in time for our family portraits Saturday! YESSS! But now he's giving high 5s and brushing his teeth and knows exactly where his tongue is and if you asked him nicely, he'd probably show you. He is just so cool and big and tall and boy, am I enamored. Even if Morgan does call him a "Mo".

Micah and I are having our 1 year anniversary on the 21st. I'm not 100%, but I'm pretty sure he's taking me to the zoo/aquarium AND the Warhol Museum to celebrate. Eeeeee! I'm excited. :]

Okay, that's enough updating for this month.

(1 wounded | BANG!)

10:39am 08/08/2007
  The interview was a disaster. I left an hour early, but that didn't matter to the Department of Transportation. They had 2 gaping holes in the middle of the road and I was stuck waiting for a total of 45+ minutes this morning. Not to mention, I still had to take Jake to a sitter. Either way, I was only 5 minutes late (I sped heavily), but he still looked at me as if I had blown my chance.

So this really sucks. Goodbye, financial security. Goodbye, 1 week paid vacation and 401k. Goodbye, fancy office job with your AC and cubicles.

I'm depressed.


high hopes!   
07:39am 07/08/2007
mood: anxious
I'm up again before 8am by my own doing and my body's insistence to wake up @ precisely 6:14am every morning is highly agitating.

But I digress. I have a question instead, for all you zoo goers out there. Which is better: Columbus or Pittsburgh? I have an extreme need to be at both a zoo and aquarium at some point this summer and I'm going to make it happen. It is my summer mission.

I have an interview tomorrow for a 9-5 position. Full benefits and maybe salary? Jesus, I'm scared.

(3 wounded | BANG!)

i am about to pee my pants.   
09:57pm 03/08/2007
mood: scared
i've been listening to a lot of saves the day lately. it's funny to think back on how much fun we had and where everyone is now. constant road trips to shows in faraway towns and sleepovers and scavenger hunts and trips to athens and sigh. it makes me smile to reminisce.

i have wasted the last couple nights. micah's been working 4pm-7am and that leaves jakob and i to ourselves for the most part of the day. we've watched a lot of spongebob and scribbled a lot on the side of the tub with the bath crayons and basically just vegged. i should have been cleaning or doing laundry during his naps, but no - i've been catching up on every reality show imaginable. and hanging out with whitney/morgan, but that was sweet and i'm not complaining.

i sold a louie purse on ebay for $450. i rule @ life.

that's it. i'm boring and sleepy and somewhat frightened because my attic is making really fucking creepy scraping noises.

... i'm going to go make some phone calls in hopes of distracting myself. i am such a scaredypants.


10:32pm 24/07/2007
mood: sick
Things have been going by so quickly lately. I feel like I'm not even close to catching up on all the things that need to be done and I'm just so exhausted all the time. Ugh. I'm 22 going on 91.

Jakob's walking now and is all over the place. He blows kisses and is just starting to get into the mimicking stage. He has 7 teeth and hair just as curly as mine. I'm in love. Oh, and we have Khyler Ann for a full week again this week. I had to work both Monday and Tuesday, but I'm off until Sunday! Eeeee! I'm really looking forward to doing fun stuff with the kids, like swimming or Jackson Park or something. [I'm just crossing my fingers that it won't rain! Damnable weather.]

Micah has to work @ 3am on another round of the "Big Pour" in Washington tonight, so he's been asleep since 8. After getting up @ 6 and getting both kids ready to go, taking and picking up both kids from their respectable babysitters, working from 10-4:30, getting dinner ready and giving both kids a bath, and trying to clean up the house - I'm dead on my feet. Not to mention, I have a sinus infection that I picked up compliments of Jakob. Blegh, I feel miserable.

I'm eating a handful of Vitamin C tablets, watching Bad Girls, and going to bed. Night.


05:42pm 22/05/2007
  even though i'm actually pretty happy about everything going on in my life right now, i still feel like i need a vacation. or a back massage and a bubble bath. it's still up in the air right now.

i love the new job @ logan's; it's totally sweet. everyone has been super nice and the atmosphere is just so laid back and easy-going. it's fantastic and i don't dread going to work yet. but that may come in time, i've only been employed for a week. ha!

everyone's (ie: micah,jakob, my in-laws, and i) starting to feel better after having contracted jakob's fancy stomach virus/uri. yeah, literally everyone that saw us (even a day before anyone got sick) came down with the very same thing in under 2 days. it was like watching flies drop. jakob still has the gross snot nose and is coughing, but at least he's not dehydrated and vomiting nonstop like before. ever since i had to rush him to the er @ 4am thursday morning, i've had the worst nightmares/panic attacks upon waking. i'll have had a dream i'll go in and find him dead in his crib or i can't stop him from choking (like thursday morning) and he'll die and jesus christ, my heart will just stop and i'll hyperventilate and just puke. it's not the best way to wake up, believe you me.


i gotta go clean up before micah gets home from work and jake wakes up from his nap.

go listen to amy winehouse.

(5 wounded | BANG!)

03:08pm 18/05/2007
mood: ecstatic
jake and i are both sick with a stomach virus, but he is still in just the cheeriest mood. he's the best little boy ever.

in other news, i bought a pair of size 5 jeans yesterday (smaller than before i was pregnant. yeaaaah!) and morgan should be here any minute. eeee!

(4 wounded | BANG!)

12:15pm 15/05/2007
mood: pathetic/amused
my cell phone is missing. however, i'm not terribly concerned.

my mother is the only one that calls me anyway.


photo recap   
04:11pm 14/05/2007
mood: sleepy

(7 wounded | BANG!)

date night/biker experience   
12:29pm 12/05/2007
mood: zombie kara!
micah and i got to have a date night last night.
he took me to bw3's for appetizers, dessert, and drinks, but the service was pretty awful so we split early. walking in, we passed baker walking out and he actually waved to me(!). i'm secretly pretty excited about being acknowledged.
after that, micah took me to the 'rendezvous', a rundown biker bar, that has a back parking lot connected to our road. we thought it best to be safe at a skeezy biker bar than to be sorry and brave the police-infested streets of parkersburg.
it was pretty interesting though. we had weezer and bocephus and foghot playing on the jukebox and i almost beat micah at darts. but, after that, i pretty much got my ass handed to me on every game (i.e. shuffle board) i attempted.
but it was funny watching fat rednecks drink budweiser and dance and play pool and rub up on each other. young skeezy guys were trying to overweight old skeezy biker ladies home and dudes were arguing over the REALLY young, slutty looking chicks that rolled in and quickly started dancing on pool sticks. oh, and later, jim and his lady-friend drove up and hung out for a bit, and that's always a good time. it was nice to get out of the house and have a moment to ourselves, but i still really am just content to sit at home and do nothing and love on the baby. [haha. who would have thought i'd turn into such a hermit?]
but i digress.
i'm exhausted. i stayed up way too late by myself watching intervention and then jake came home earlier than i had planned, so i haven't had the most sleep.

... i need to take a shower and wake up.


01:05pm 10/05/2007
mood: nervous
interview with logan's @ 3.
i am beyond nervous, but she mentioned an orientation on tuesday, so here's to hoping.
and maybe getting out of debt completely?

on a side note, jake likes to tear shit up.


07:01pm 09/05/2007
mood: irritated
jesus christ, i don't want hillary clinton to be the president.

(4 wounded | BANG!)

10:18am 04/05/2007
mood: groggy
last night was sara's bachelorette party. the plan was to drink as much by 10:30 as I possibly could, so I could use the next hour and a half to sober up, but it didn't so much turn out that way. i (maybe?) knew 8 people (including the soon-to-be-bride) and then there was a table-full of girls that looked 15 and older women, all of whom worked at jc penney, being crazy loud and shooting weird looks at our end of the table. i ordered 2 margaritas on the rocks and drank one and gave the other to morgan. i've come to the conclusion that the bar scene is just not for me. i mean, i've been maybe half a dozen times, but every time i just end up laughing (to myself, mostly) at all the kids that got fat after high school. it's one of my favorite things ever. but anyway...

so by 11:30p.m., everyone's pretty much rolled and then "the games" were about to begin, but morgan and i bailed out the back - too humiliating; i couldn't relive it again. apparently, sara couldn't either because she gave up around 15 minutes and opted for jp's instead. i don't blame her for trying to get out of it, but, maaaaan, i hate jp's. blegh.

that was my cue to take off. me and my fancy red mustang (thanks, dad!) were outta there and back home just in time for catch the first round vs. the stomach flu. which is still going down. i think, i'm finally healthy enough without having to walk around without a puke sack, but i'm going to take a bath and fuck around until noon, when i have to go pick jake up from grandma's house. it just really figures that the one night i have infinite freedom for 3 hours and no baby waiting up for me at home, it all goes to hell. oh well.

kristen "jacy" beautiful's right. everything does feel so much more important now.

(1 wounded | BANG!)

03:47pm 02/05/2007
mood: my eyes are bulging out.
it's hard to keep from feeling boring. let me tell you about my typical day:

around 6a.m. i wake up to micah's alarm clock. i set it back to 'sleep' on 10 minute intervals and, somewhere along the way, get conned into rubbing his back until he manages to crawl out of bed by "6:42". it's in quotes because that's not the real time; i have to set it ahead however many minutes to trick him into thinking he's running late. he's become sly to my plan, though, and sometimes i have to switch it up in terms of how far ahead i've set it. though he does manage to get to work on time, it sucks having to wake up so early for no real reason of my own. i <3 sleep more than most things and it hurts me to lose so much everyday. but oh well.

and then around... anywhere between 7a.m. and 8a.m., jakob will either A.)wake up crying or B.)i'll hear him playing with one of the very few toys in his crib while chewing the side of his crib. and by that, i mean, he's totally stripping the wood with his 2 bottom (and only) teeth... he's cleared like 4 inches so far and thank god for non-toxic wood, but jesus christ. this is the road that's leading to my future ulcers.

by 9:30a.m. jake and i have had breakfast, watered the flowers in the garden, and caught a bit of noggin ("it's like preschool on tv"). and then, of course, we play. i lay on the floor and he creeps over, acting like he's being sneaky, and then jumps on me. it's cute how hard he laughs at it sometimes. his whole face turns bright red and he just cackles, which is comparable to the cuteness of his ridiculous purr-esque laugh. he's a ham and just too beautiful. it's hard to get mad at him when he's intentionally being bad. he's too much.

[... and then in the end, here is where i answer my own question: how did i turn into this girl? the one that grew up and got married and started a family and hardly ever spoke to anyone that she used to? i always wonder whether it was me or them that had the problem. why i'm still wondering about how everyone is and what they're up to, but i never really ask. just through the grapevine. and even then i feel awkward, like it's obvious they don't care, so why should i? why waste your time caring about people that don't care about you. gah, i may set this to private later.]

the rest of my afternoon is spent with lunch and laundry and pulling weeds and changing diapers and teaching objects and colors and words. by 5, micah comes home from work and we'll have dinner and watch our regularly scheduled programs and by 9p.m., it's time for jake to sleep and me to knock out. the day takes too much out of me and i feel so drained by the end of it, that i know i'm not the most exciting to be around. i haven't felt as much like myself. i'm not as fun. and the anxiety can just be excruciating.

i am doing my best, but i need to be better.

(3 wounded | BANG!)

i lied.   
05:18pm 01/05/2007
mood: anxious
i know, i promised to update "tomorrow" and all, but that was 22 days ago and apparently, i'm a liar. it's easy to lose track of yourself, i find. but i digress.

i bought a dress for sara's wedding/anne's graduation today. it was a first in many years having been able to buy a dress in single (dress) digits again. [i hate how dresses always run so much bigger than jeans or anything other piece of clothing ever made. it's so depressing.] and probably the 2nd dress i've ever even bought for myself. i'm doing my best to get myself out of this new-mom jeans and t-shirt/tank top routine and so far it's not looking so good. but there's always hope.

[note to self: i need to burn brand new's "jesus (christ?)" and "untitled 01".]


and there's the end of my free time. time to feed jake, make dinner, and watch tv with micah (all at once!). back to real life again.


(6 wounded | BANG!)

08:21pm 19/04/2007
mood: chipper
i (finally!) have the internet back and a bunch of bills to pay and a baby to put to sleep, BUT i promise to write tomorrow. I miss you guys and I'm sorry for being such a bad keeper-upper.

now, tell me things.

(1 wounded | BANG!)

01:22pm 13/02/2007
mood: worn out
I broke my arm on the 3rd. I was at work and I slipped on a goddamn lemon wedge and did the classic banana peel cartoon fall. I fractured my radius and strained the muscles in my wrist and am off work for a month, assuming it heals properly. I got a hot pink cast that managed to hurt everyone in my path, including myself. This really was not a good time to have a mangled arm; we're moving in less than a week into a house we bought from Micah's parents and Jakob just learned how to crawl much faster than my one arm can catch him. I am nowhere near happy. I am allergic to effective pain meds (narcotics with codeine is my guess), which really has hindered any kind of comfort that I had hoped for. Grumble grumble grumble.

At least, all the painting at the new house will be done soon and everything will be ready to move in. The house is built on 2 acres of property, has a deck, and plenty of room for the kids, including an unfinished basement (with a working fireplace!) that we're turning into a huge family room. God. Maybe then I'll be able to breathe again. I feel so uncomfortable and cramped here in the apartment with all the loud, stupid neighbors and their domestic disputes.

I just cannot wait.

Also, my sister and Morgan came in this weekend. It might have been a little stressful at the time, but it was so nice seeing them. I just have a lot on my mind right now and my social skills are depleting, I think.

... Okay, it's time to lay the baby down and have a little lunch.

[I hope everyone feels better. Badness just seems to be hanging in the air.]

(3 wounded | BANG!)